Although we’re all guilty of saying things in new relationships when we’re completely smitten, future faking isn’t done innocently. Instead, it’s a manipulation tactic that narcissists use to keep the person they’re dating interested. A narcissist will come into your life and make promises about all the things you’ll do together in the future, the trips you’ll go on, the perfect wedding you’ll have, and even the kids you’re destined to have together.
“Future faking happens most often at the start of a relationship as the purpose is to build a quick connection,” licensed marriage and family therapist Kara Kays, LMFT told Thriveworks. “Further into the relationship, a bond may already be established leaving the future faking less effective, and easier to identify if insincere.” According to Kays, this technique is often used by the future-faker as a way to protect themselves from being rejected. Their thinking is if they outline a big, wonderful future with the person they’ve just recently started dating, then they’ll be less likely to be dumped. In turn, they’ll get to be the one to end things on their terms and when they’re ready. It very much comes down to controlling the relationship, as well as the outcome for no other reason than that’s what narcissists do.