How To Reconcile Abandonment Issues In A Relationship For A Healthier Connection

Licensed counselor Chrystal Dunkers, LPC, told MindBodyGreen, “Abandonment issues can largely be created based on childhood trauma and schemas developed as a result.” Unfortunately, when someone comes from an abusive or neglectful home, that’s the perfect laboratory in which to grow abandonment issues. But Healthline notes that poor behavior from caregivers isn’t always the root cause of abandonment problems or anxious attachment styles.

Specific circumstances in childhood contribute to a sense of instability. Children are often devastated by the early death of a parent or caregiver. Similarly, when a child’s parents divorce, even if the divorce ultimately provides a healthier, more stable home, it can also be experienced as a devastating loss. Losses that happen later in life can also contribute to abandonment problems.

People who have been adopted may find that they question their worth and become agitated at the thought that they were abandoned by their birth parents. For some, intense poverty and scarcity earlier in life can create an expectation that all areas of life will be scarce, including relationships. Another contributor to an intense fear of abandonment — or perhaps the cause of it — are mental health conditions such as anxiety or borderline personality disorder.